Why Asking For Help Makes You Brave
I never want to complain about my blessings, but I am always honest with myself when I need help. I never thought I would ever be a mother. It wasn't something I was planning for my life. You really have no idea how hard it is to be a parent until you become one. When I became a mother, I knew I wanted to give my children the same love my mother gave to me. I always wanted to give them the same education and opportunities she afforded me. Making sure that my children stay aware, kind, creative, hard working and spiritual. None of this is easy. It takes constant daily adjustments, conversations and intention.
Having one child for seven years was seemingly easy to my husband and I. Of course, there were days that involved compromise and hard decisions, but for the most part we had support. My mother and close friends have played a huge role in helping us raise our first daughter Amirah. We could literally depend on any of them to help us along the way. Having a circle of people you trust to help you raise your child is super important. Nobody can do it alone and trusting others to honor your family is priceless.
Our move to California was our choice. A chance to create new opportunity for our family. Sadly by doing so we gave up our circle. Raising our newest daughter, Azarah, away from close family and friends has been far more difficult than I imagined. I'm so use to having my mom around the corner to help me with everything. It's often hard for me to accept the situation. I know if I moved home it would be easier. Homeschooling my eldest daughter while trying to readjust to having a new baby has been hard. I'm still trying to master giving equal attention and distributing patience. I sometimes have to remind myself that my daughter is only seven and her behavior is completely normal. For some reason having a new baby can instantly make you want everyone else to be completely independent of your help. We as parents have to exercise lots of understanding that our children are also now adjusting to having someone else receive the love that was in their eyes only for them.
Even though I don't have my family here I have my husband. I am so amazed at how much he understands my need for help. He does every thing he can to help make this process easier. I know that we have a plan and if we stick with it things will become much easier in the future. I've learned that I don't need to be this overly perfect person who self sacrifices in the name of motherhood. I am a human being and sometimes I need a little extra help so I don't lose it from lack of sleep and stress. I have learned to lean on my husband and allow him to take some of the responsibility from me. Before I tried so hard to just do everything and to never ask him for help. I thought it made me weak and possibly unwanted if I couldn't do it all. I've realized that my needs are equally as important as everyone else in my home. My daughters need to see a woman who respects her limits. I want them to grow up and ask for help when they need it. Honor their vibe and when they don't feel their best to address it. We have to stop encouraging women to drive themselves crazy trying to be perfect.
Lately, I've been taking more time for myself by taking a nap instead of talking to friends on the phone and taking a moment to myself before my children wake up. Motherhood is about protecting your children. Part of that means making sure you are mentally and physically healthy as their influence in life. I am constantly trying to self correct and become a better mother every single day. I know as the baby gets older that things will settle down and become slightly more fluid. I've also started to relax more and allow Amirah to help; trusting that she can handle more responsibility as a big sister. When you are honest with yourself, growth will always come. Be brave and ask for help when you need it. Don't push yourself until you break. Peace of mind and spirit is my daily goal and most days my husband helps make that happen in our home. We are a team and we accomplish so much more together.