Respecting Loss. Accepting Blessings.
One of the hardest things to do when your experiencing joy is to watch someone you love experience pain.
It's a known fact that every single day someone in this world is suffering. People are starving, losing family, losing money, losing jobs and simply experiencing pain. We can often forget about those people when the people in our immediate circle are seemingly doing well. I've always been in tune with other peoples pain, sometimes to the point that I take on their problems. It's the beauty and the flaw in my personality. I get embarrassed for others easily and cry over commercials if they are sad. It really doesn't take much for me to tap into my emotions and relate with someone when they are experiencing pain. So it becomes that much more taxing on my spirit when people I actually know and love is experiencing loss.
My pregnancy has been a very huge blessing to me, being able to carry and conceive another child naturally is something I never take for granted. Before and during my pregnancy two of my dear friends experienced miscarriages. I couldn't help but feel this heavy feeling in my heart when hearing my babies heartbeat each doctors visits. Wanting to share each moment but trying to be sensitive to their pain and loss. I felt very guilty for the first three months of my pregnancy, because I knew that I was supposed to be experiencing this joy with them. Sharing pregnancy cravings, giving birthing advice (I'm the only one who already has a child) and just simply being pregnant together. The fact that I already have a healthy child also made me feel bad. Wondering why they had to experience this loss when I already was blessed once.
I hate comparing, or even trying to evaluate experiences between myself and others. We all experience pain, God knows I have with losing my sister and having my own miscarriage last year. I think for me when it came to my miscarriage, because I wasn't trying and already had a child, I didn't take it as bad. I know if I had been planning and intentional with being pregnant that it would have hurt me much more. I mean I honestly didn't even know I was pregnant until I lost the baby, so for me I felt it was much easier to deal with. I know how excited and far along both women were and it breaks my heart every time I think about it.
I had to do some meditation and really focus on my pregnancy and remind myself that miscarriages can come at any stage of pregnancy. So until I hold my baby in my hands I am still at risk to have one myself. I had to remind myself to celebrate each day, each kick, each moment of feeling discomfort and hunger. Every beautiful and painful moment of pregnancy because it is truly a gift. I think there is a line between respecting your friends loss and enjoying your own happiness. The pendulum always swings both ways, and I've experienced my share of loss as well. God willing m friends and I's struggles will be far and few between from these days forward. I know they will always be mothers because they carried a child in their womb. I believe they will hold their next child in their arms and experience the joy of parenting as I have for the past seven years.
The most important thing I've learned from my friends is the power of love. They have taught me so much about being brave, standing in their pain and fighting daily to reclaim their joy. I know there are moments when they feel sadness and are reminded of what they've lost. Yet they have shown me nothing but joy and happiness during my own pregnancy. Their level of strength and kindness is nothing short of divine.
So be mindful of those who are hurting, and be careful with the energy you give out, you never know who is experiencing pain. At the same time embrace your blessings, and your own journey, because we all have to deal with different things at different times. Help those whenever you can and always try to create opportunities for others to live in peace. The greatest way you can honor anyone who has lost their life, lost a life, or struggles in any way is by truly appreciating any blessing you've ever been given to the fullest.
Take motherhood/fatherhood seriously and with respect and conscious consideration. There are so many women who deal with infertility, miscarriages and loss of children at different ages and stages. Never take for granted the simple blessing of being able to bring a life in this world and care for it.