I have to say that having two children seven years apart is a lot harder than I thought. When I had Amirah, we were living in Ohio only 5 minutes away from my mother. My mother has played a huge role in helping my husband and I raise our daughter. So when I had Azarah and my mother had to go back to Ohio a week later, I was upset. I know it's selfish thinking, but I just want my mom to be wherever I am. I know she has other children, her own life and her own friends. Yet somehow my life is always easier when I have my mother around.
Azarah is five months now and I am finally feeling like myself again. My baby weight is slowly coming off. I'm working out and finally getting more than four hours of sleep. I've always thought I was a really good mom as I have been extremely intentional with how I raised Amirah. Azarah has taught me that you can always be better and do better and continue to grow. When I breast fed Amirah, it was very stressful and I was extremely militant with pumping and staying on a routine. Conversely with Azarah, I have been much more relaxed and have allowed her to take the lead. I don't pump that much and rarely use bottles. I have enjoyed the process much more and feel more free as a woman.
It's sad that your first child is really trial by error, but hopefully you learn quickly. I believe that Amirah has allowed me to be a better person and Azarah has cemented that growth. Over these past five months, I've really worked on finding time for myself and making sure I am focusing on my own happiness. When I had Amirah, I didn't go anywhere until she was five months old. I was scared to leave her and have my own life. I know now that it's healthy to have a balance. I've been making sure I go to the gym alone when I can. Taking time to myself during the week and allowing my husband to tag me out. Some days I stay home and he takes the kids to karate just so I can have a few hours to myself.
What I learned is that self love is the most important aspect of parenting. I love my daughters so much, there is literally nothing more important to me in this world. However, my mom taking this time to work and do something she loves has taught me a lesson. Motherhood isn't about only giving to your children and not yourself. So as much as I miss my mom, I'm happy she is doing something to make herself happy. She needs to enjoy her life and actually do things outside of helping all her children. I hope my daughters learn the same thing from me as well. We have to take time for ourselves and honor our vibes as women outside of being mothers. It's almost impossible to really create the perfect balance in life. However, maintaining a sense of self while taking as many moments to follow our dreams is key.