Journey Into Peace.
Well I'm now officially two weeks into being married and I'm extremely happy I waited. I've been thinking about the transition I've had as a woman over the past ten years and it has helped me to become a much better person, mother, fiancé, wife and friend.
I look back at my life over the past ten years and the extreme difference in my level of happiness and peace is astonishing. It can become overwhelming when we are in the thick of pain and challenges. At times, sorrow seems to swallow us whole and we can feel like we are suffocating in our own emotions. That's exactly how I felt ten years ago as I was transitioning into a woman from a young girl. I've spent the majority of my time on this Earth helping others find peace and happiness. I spent the majority of my youth talking to my friends on the phone for hours about their problems and issues. I got to a point where I was spending my entire evenings (even when I was pregnant) discussing the same issues with the same friends over and over and over again. The irony of it all is I never got frustrated with them, only myself and my ability to get through to another human being. I realized that a persons journey is their own and all we can do is provide directions but they have to apply them on their own.
I spent so much time on others issues that I didn't work on my own. I got into a space where I thought I was exempt from self reflection and growth. I figured if everyone came to me for their issues then that must mean I'm close to perfect. I really believed this for a long time and directed any negative happenings in my life on other people. In my mind if I had a bad interaction it was due to the other person's approach and never on how I responded.
It wasn't until my sister passed away and I was staring at her casket that I had the biggest revelation of my life. I looked at her life and how much of herself she had given to others, and how she allowed the pressures of society to keep her from leaving an unhealthy relationship. I then realized that we can spend our whole life focused on how others treat us or we can change how we treat ourselves. I started taking ownership over everything that happened to me, it was a hard transition changing 22 years of thinking backwards. However, when my daughter was born it became a lot easier. I couldn't allow others to determine whether or not I was happy, a good mother or a good partner in my relationship. I decided that I was to blame for anything bad that happened in my life outside of natural causes. I couldn't bring home negativity from strangers when my daughter and then boyfriend had nothing to do with it.
When I say I am to blame I mean that I am allowing whatever negative feelings or interactions I have to take precedence over my own peace. I have the power to stop that and so I did. When I meet people that speak to me in a rude way, treat me in a rude way or just have a desire to cause mess, I simply reject their energy by being positive. It's how I save my peace. Bad things happen everyday and people struggle to find joy because they allow others to control them. I struggled with the same thing until I realized that I was in complete control of my own life.
The moment I changed the way I received others is the moment my life began to manifest joy daily. I come from the inner city and have witnessed violence my entire life. I never felt violent or the need to project it because my mother protected my heart. I realize how her simply loving us and educating us kept us from absorbing something right outside our door.
That is the same exact motto I use in my home. I will protect my peace as well as my family. I no longer bring home negative energy or experiences because they do nothing for my peace. I can speak to my husband about issues, but midway through we both end up laughing at how they don't really matter. Before I was a mother and before I was a wife, I had discovered real peace. That peace comes from knowing that I have faith in myself and my ability to create my own happiness.